Supposing

I suppose it's a perfect time to ecrire un post. I think today has been a good day. I have worked, earned $50, come home and cooked a few things: Tabouli, a cabbage salad, marinated a chicken to cook, and some dessert in the form of date and kiwi and chocolate on a crust. I wanted to make them a little more refined, but it doesn't matter, especially to Ryan.

Now for the rest of the time. I am such a fast thinker, my mind runs, not walks, not waltzes, but runs all the way to the end and back before anyone else has gotten halfway, but then I have no patience or stamina to do anything else but worry and wait. That is one part of me. Another part of me is this one, the one who waits even when it isn't time, the one who lets things be as they are and does the best with what she has. The one who has been given so much.

I'm not sure why it makes such a big deal for me to have made dinner for my mom, but I'm telling you, it feels huge, and I can't wait for it to come. I want her to get here so I can then give her everything. But then what? Then what comes after? And why can't I let my brain sit and focus?? I'm making a sad face in my head. I want to go on a walk. Maybe I should just get changed and go for a walk. I think it's that I'm trying to extend my "pretty" time to the time where I am just at home working on lounging. Working on lounging is hard business.

I am supposing that mom will enjoy the meal. I am having faith that it will be enough to satisfy and excite the senses. I am letting myself be given this and letting everything fall into place after me. Ryan and mom are going to Amy Grant's concert in Tucson. I know, it's a big night. That's what it is. It's a big night.

My what it takes to be a housewife. A lot. Congratulations to every woman who has ever come before me and done all that it takes. All the women raising children and letting their lives come as they will. Wow, what beauty, what honesty, what tough grit they have. I pray He comes into me and calms my spirit and helps me make the best decision to love others and love Him. In Jesus' name, Amen.