Turkey Bacon Loaf

I made a turkey bacon/meat loaf this morning and I'm really proud of it. It's DELISH, and I feel like I'm growing a little bit. The more meat I eat, the better and more balanced I feel, even though it feels like emotions are rising and the pressure in my system is more easily hatcheted and released, it feels more satisfying and freeing actually.

I keep thinking about Nick and how maybe he's my meat and I didn't want to eat it, see him, but now that I'm getting better he's what I need and desire...I don't really know. I guess I'll know if I ever see him again, and we'll be able to see what that's all about.

Last night I went over to watch the Bachelor with Kaitlyn, and it felt like old times, easy, simple, girly. I haven't felt that free in a long time, and I made "dinner" beforehand by cooking some peppers, onions, chicken and chard in some soup broth for a few minutes. I got some gas, mostly from the whole kombucha and a half I had earlier that day. I met Kristen to give her some shampoo and walk her to class, but I couldn't work up the courage to look inside at a boy that she had been talking about. I felt like she was being territorial, tired, and desiring for me to go away, so I left after watching her walk into her poetry class.

I bought her a Valentine, but I didn't give it to her yet, thinking it would be better ON Valentine's, but I feel like that's not good either, so now I'm in a quandary. I sent everyone emails, to be delivered on VDay, but I wanted to give Kristen something special. Maybe I'll have Todd give it to her on Friday at rehearsal. But that also feels strange, like I'm trying to hard...oy. Maybe I'll give it to Claire, my french friend.

So today I am going to:

hike with Brandon
mail a ballet dvd to a buyer
meet up with Kendra on 4th
buy/borrow long skirt and kitten heels for the performance
go to Signing meetup

I feel good about this. I think I can do this. I feel tired, a little bit strange, hopeful, excited, scared, open, a little lost, a lot lost, found, praising, grateful, grace-given, thankful, thankful, thankful.

I'll let you know how it goes.