Ballet and Faust

Ballet in Tucson

I have tickets for Sunday's shows of Damnation of Faust at the Convention Center, and then the Ballet in Tucson at the Temple of Music and Art on Scott Street. I have anxiety about spending $36 on a ticket for the ballet, and I'm trying to tell myself that it's worth it.


My bill for my Verizon is coming and I will have very little money left, and I feel extremely scared about money in general. I feel as if I am a VERY wasteful person, and I have so much to learn about getting the most for your money, not spending more than you make, and all things adult of that nature. I missed the period of time where you learn these things, and I feel like I'm on a track to nowhere, seeing as I don't have a steady job that enables me to: pay bills, pay for school, pay for recreation and food and living...Instead I have a fun job that pays for ... fun. That's about it. I am going in today to work with Scott in the roastery, which feels both healthy and scary, seeing as it's been awhile since I've done it and I'm afraid I will be terrible/hate it.

My brother will be in this :)

I struggle with anxiety. I feel like it holds me back a lot. Yesterday, though, I was able to decide calmly about going to return my books at the library and getting a few more, then I stopped into the Sign Language Lab and met Felicia. She has MANY cats, and she is divorced. She has lived in many places, and she's only been learning sign for a few years. I was surprised, not that her signing was amazing. I feel like that was evident, but that she is able to have a job already.

I am going to be 25 in a few months, and I really desire to have found something steady, something I can look forward to, something that is stable and takes me places I want to go. I want something I can build from, something that enables me to explore possibilities and continue my education. I want something that helps me create a life.

Expenses I would like to be able to pay:

Rent: 900/month
Phone: 90/month
Car: 50/month?
Food: 500/month
Fun: 400/month
= 2100/month
= 30,00/year

That's my goal. To make 30,000 a year. I can do that. I can make that much. Consistently. I would like to be able to meet that need of mine and continue to grow my social skills, my interpreting skills, my language skills, my reading and writing skills, my bodily skills, and most importantly, grow my love for Jesus as my sole provider. I don't want to worry myself into this. I want to step into it with a loving, grateful attitude, and I want for it to be acknowledged as a gift from God. He gives me all I have, and I want to be on the lookout for what He is placing before me. I trust in Him, and I trust that He is looking out for me, fulfilling me if I allow Him in. Jesus, help me let go of my trust issues and throw myself lovingly into your arms.

In His name I pray,
Amen.