School

It's so sad. And so exciting! I am going to school today. It's a little strange. I'm 24, should be graduated with a job and maybe a family...but here I am, joyfully and sadly going into my next acting class.

Before I get ready I'm watching the Bachelor, Week 2, and it's so funny. No matter how silly and stupid, it is sort of a part of melting my heart. So cliche, to know that there's ... romance out there is hopeful! I haven't had this kind of hope for a long time. My heart was really broken by these past experiences, and I don't know how long it's been since I've thought about it like this, but I really like at least opening up a little bit.

It's just now about being open to having it not look like this, this strangely perfect world that humans create. I can have something much more real, much more orchestrated by God. I'll have you know I'm writing this AS I watch, so the post is based on what happens as it's on.

My acting class...I'm actually nervous about it. It's a big step in MY journey, and I know that as present as I am, I can lead people to be present in themselves too. But it's hard! I don't want to be open...except that I've done it the other way for so long that I know it doesn't work, doesn't make me feel free or anything at all for that matter. So in that sense I'm so excited, because I get a chance to just be myself, whoever that is, in the situation. I pray that I know right from the start whether it's the right step or not, and that I don't shy away from it. I pray that I've made the decision based on something deep inside, not something just sitting on top. I pray that I'm following God's plan for my life and that I am valuing myself more and more as time passes. I pray I learn what my value is in HIM not with the world, because the world passes away, but He goes on forever.

What is He? Who is He? He in me?