Ah! C'est pas bon!

Ah! C'est pas bon, j'ai oublie d'ecrire hier! Ca va, ca va. Je vais seulement ecrire deux blogs aujourd'hui.

Big news is: Ryan is taking a trip to LA beginning today. He will be visiting his friend Ralph Blood at UCLA campus and he will be shadowing him for a full day. Now, I'm not sure what I think will happen, expect to happen, hope to happen, or dread will happen. I have so many ideas about it in my head that it's difficult to dissect.

I have to, before going on about his trip to LA, tell you about yesterday! I delight in the small triumphs and one happened yesterday that I had been working up to! I went over to my family's house and ate RED MEAT! AND Stayed!! I watched The Bachelor with Kaitlyn, and let me tell you I had fun. :) We cooked dinner (I will see if I can get a picture on here of said dinner) and the family ate and enjoyed and I was able to eat RED meat and not die! In fact, I had way more energy and ability to focus because of it! I can't even tell you how much I value that now. I think because I have been through the-time-of-the-meatlessness I am now sooooo ecstatic over the simplest things. Like this! Where I get to spend an ENTIRE evening without wishing and hoping to be away for just a few minutes to clear my intestines of the fire-of-the-gases. I CAN'T tell you how exciting that is, no matter what happens in the future. I'm so proud of my intestines. Muah!

Ok, and back to the LA thing. I have dreamed for SOOOO long to go out there, and to be honest, I think I will. But I know that I must stay weighted down for a little bit, save my money, and really focus on accepting myself as a woman in my today. I have a little bit better grasp on myself as a teenager and the acceptance needed for that stage, but the next one is needed to come into full focus in order for me to move forward.

I was watching a game show with Hollywood celebrities being featured on it, and I wanted to be there. Molly Shannon reminds me of me and she was on there, as well as Aubrey Plaza and Dominig Manahan, (spelled that totally wrong) Kristin Chenoweth was on there as well and I just thought how much it was like me. At the same time I thought "What the heck is LA trying to get across? You have to be pretty, liquored up, buy expensive clothing, and buy into the process of Hollywood in order to have fun?" No, but the people of today love to watch celebrities make a fool out of themselves. It's a common pastime. I mean, I like watching the Bachelor with my sister, so I'm one of the masses now!

So Ryan is going out to LA for a couple days, and what I want to do in the meantime is focus on HERE and let myself be HERE as fully as possible. I want to research an agent in LA maybe too, and think about getting a job so I can pay off some money, maybe transfer over to the Whole Foods there?? That just depresses me, but hey, I was depressed at the thought of eating meat and now I've tasted the beauty of it and won't ever go back! No, I'll probably have some trouble today with it, now that I've become so confident in meat. I'll double over in pain and want to rush to the hospital in an ambulance guided by the love of my life...oh, no. I've been watching the Bachelor too much.

Today's goals:

With love, drive my sister to school, hang out with my brother at the park, drive my sister back.

With efficiency, visit my local Whole Foods, ponder life, shop for groceries I NEED, return the cream bottles, be kind to those around me.

With passion, write at least 3 pages about the Bachelor script I've been imagining.

With direction, mail the packages I've been waiting to mail for two days due to the bank holiday Martin Luther King Jr Day.

With faith, hold fast to my Father's voice, write about Hannah for my mom's soap ideas, and explore the NEW GROUND He is bringing into my life. Let the waves wash over me in hope and peace.

With allowance, feel any and all emotions that may come to the surface and don't force anything I'm not feeling. Express but don't push.

Pray!

Love.