Reading Baudelaire and Changing

Well people who don't read my blog, it is another day of changing behaviors. All I know is I feel strange, out of context, sort of like a tree supplanted from a desert to a stream, and I'm a little like, "What is this strange substance flowing into me?? And what, pray tell do I do with it?"

This morning I read a piece of Charles Baudelaire's The Spleen of Paris, Le Vieux Saltimbanque. Or The Old Clown. This is of course written long ago, so the language has changed somewhat, but overall you can feel the newness of the language even today. It flows like bitter honey, because the concept is seeing what is beside the fetes, or parties, that occur en vacance, on vacation. He sees all the people whirling and dancing and enjoying, and then he sees a limping, begging man in tatters and he leaves him a coin or two, looking back to see if the man notices his generosity. It is very sad, and I will move onto Le JouJou du Pauvre in a few minutes or at least today. I am very thankful to have found this "Ten short stories by Voltaire, Balzac, Gide, Camus and others in the original French and new English translation" It is Edited by Wallace Fowlie. Contes Francais.


I do things a little differently today. I had very runny bowel movements these past few days, and I'm praying it is clearing out the old and I can put in the new in a fresh and supple, alive way so that my intestines respond kindly and graciously, accepting the gifts I am being given as if they were gold and frankincense and myrrh.

One decision I'm not ENtireLY sure about is not going to Inner Tie today to model...should I? I almost feel like it would be fun. Another part of me respects and cherishes my decision to not. I see it as a win-win, but I don't know which way I want to win. I have already said no, and I am glad I did. It gives me the room. But I haven't received a response from her as of yet and I don't know if she checks her email regularly enough to know I said no...quandary! Alas!


This morning I had: red meat, raw liver, kombucha, yeast and multi probiotics, chicken broth, vegetables in broth, chicken, amino acids, digestive enzymes, and I think that's it! I just wanted to chronicle this move for me :)

I want to start on a story about the homeless learning to act out stories, and how that reinvigorates them to life. I might just write 3 pages a day about that. Jesus, please bless me in that endeavor and lead me and help me overcome my insecurities about it. I don't want to be second guessing myself. I want to be growing in you and placing all my energies towards that. In Jesus' name, Amen.