Involvelution

My involvelution (evolution of involvement) is coming into my focus. WHAT do I want to be involved with ten things for? What purpose does that serve for me. Is it possible to focus my endeavors and desires? Can I choose? Do I have to choose? What am I afraid of? Why can't I accept things from people even when I have nothing to offer them back?

I am finally getting tired of my routine enough to pull on the reigns and backtrack a bit, turn around and go in a different direction. This takes a massive amount of mental energy and a willingness to fling myself into territory I am unsure of. The territory of carving out the wilderness, branches and animals flying out of nowhere to hit me in the face, and all I've got is a machete that's a bit dull and a half to wield, untrained.

Looked almost identical to this...

The machete I got from Costa Rica comes to mind. A great sheath of tan, faux leather (most likely). A rusting, chipped blade that, though authentic-looking, couldn't cut more than a twig. I had hustled it into my suitcase, not even wondering if they'd look for it. Apparently you can't bring pineapple, fruit, food of any kind really, back from a foreign country, nor can you bring drugs, but weapons, yes. Go right ahead.

JJ was on that flight with me. Kelsey. Tyler. Chad and Megan. I was in love with the adventure of it, but holy geez what I didn't know about how that was eroding my intestines at the time. I wonder if I had gas then...I remember afterwards losing another part of knowing myself. I felt a bit hollow, as if my eyes were seeing but my mind was disengaged. And not through the experience being too much, but from coming back and having the erosion become even worse. Not that I knew that. The food growing in me the parasites and fungal visitors that now inhabited and took up residence in me even stronger.

My hopes and wishes to be on a tv show as a woman who speaks sign language could very well be thwarted. Let's see. I guess I could write my own part, see what come from that. Sit here in my chair for hours on end crafting and molding things that may never, ever see the light of day. Things that would stay put on cyberspace as the least interesting nuggets of poo that ever dropped from someone's fingers. (Gross, Shannon, come on now, you're not a 12 year old boy anymore.)

I read in a book I was just skimming...or from someone's lips...what was it from...that she had wanted to be the...officer, the male...oh yes, the priest! She had wanted to be the priest not the nun. This was from Tongue in Cheek. I absolutely ADORE reading her blog. I hope one day to meet her, or if nothing else, marry one of her nephews. ;)

Ok, you see?! I am in thirteen places at once.

What do I take??

Chinese 1
French 3
Belly Dancing 1
Intro to Acting 2
Sign Language 3
Humanities- whatever
Science- whatever

I am in another indecision state! HELP! What will benefit me? What will be profitable for God? Am I just not wanting to focus? What does focus look like for me? Can I be involved in all of these interests and fields at once? Can I use the rest of my money for such trivial endeavors? Ok so not trivial, but disjointed?

Oy, Lord help me. At least it's not drugs!!!!! Hoorah!