Activity and the Beat

So I worked today, went for a walk with my brother, read, ate, went for a 15 minute...ok 5 minute, bike ride to Redbox, then came back and am now not quite sure what to do. I want to write, probably should write 3 pages about something...something about a girl who has a disease of absence. Maybe in Holocaust times.

I guess I just am unsure as to how to be normal again. That's what I'm retraining. Today, not unlike other days before, I ate 2 larger meals (soup) and a couple snacky meals. The differences are: fat, yeast probiotic, amino acids under the tongue, and knowledge/experience. I think I have a better concept for what IS and what I cannot get away from if I am to succeed at life. I want to take things simply, but I can't take out the flow. And the flow is where joy comes from, so every emotion in between must be felt and allowed to enter my body, consciousness, and soul.

What does this look like?? We will see this upcoming semester. I really, terribly want some of these things. I have a personality "disorder" and I am willing to admit that, but I am as worthy as anyone in coming into my own. Even if I don't necessarily want kids, ever, or just for a long time, I am still worthy of God's love and His timing to uncover the gifts He has planted in my soul. I want Him, need Him, and desire to follow Him to the ends of my days, even if other people do not believe in Him. I pray I get better and better at understanding how to fully encompass the woman He has made for me to be. Accept myself. Accept others, just as we are, and steer us toward Him by speaking truths about Him, not bashing the bad or focusing on the weaknesses, but rather welcoming all of people into the love He has given us, me.

My goal tonight: remain challenged and alert to His love, finish 3 pages no matter the subject or if it rambles or is terrible, and read some more, practice both french and chinese, watch an ASL 11.

Those are my goals. Now. Where to start? :) Adventure time.