Friday check-ins on Wednesday

Every friday for awhile (with an occasional missed week) I have met with my friend Celeste to talk about life and God. At first things were a bit rough for me. I have a hard time with A) Commitment B) Sharing C) Trusting D) and on and on and on... so  I came into the relationship basically planning on breaking up with the relationship. I didn't really think it was that deep, I was scared of her basically and of myself.

As we met more regularly I became a little more trusting, but still dreaded the build-up. Before Fridays I'd think of everything wrong, everything I didn't like. I'd cut myself down mostly and just think about how we didn't really fit as friends, wonder why she was still my friend, wonder if she'd just call me out on things and lay down the law...but usually, afterwards, I would feel really free about it and really glad we met up, no matter how awkward I felt.

Lately, the past few times we've met, I've still dreaded it a little bit, but I feel SO much more free and actually excited to be able to just be present with someone who shares an unbridled passion for God. She has shown me just how excited I am for God, just how dedicated I am, just because she's so dedicated herself. She always surprises me, after her sometimes bashing herself about things she does, with how much she loves the Lord and wants to be close to Him and walk with Him, and how open she seems to be in accepting herself and me.

I never know what is Really going on in her head after, but the more open I am to expressing my joy at meeting with her, the more joy I actually feel and the closer I feel. It's true, fake it until you make it, in this instance. I really feel blessed to call her friend, and she has accepted me in my flakiness and non-committance...and all the people I have met here have been such a blessing in that, no matter what I do or how many times I pull away, they always receive me with basically open arms. It is the undying spirit of God in people that I find so amazing.

And I praise God for leading me here. And I want to praise Him more and more, in complete action, mental wayfarings, and energetic motivations, emotions, and drives. Let freedom ring this Christmas season, and let the check0ins that we have with people actually bring some warmth and growth to our lives without us trying so hard. :)