Freedom

Here is a short snippet on freedom right quick. I thought about this as I was coming from the bathroom. I lifted my arms up, clasping my fingers together in a nice stretch, ovaling them over to the right and left, gazing at my belly button and my sleep pants' light blue ribbon tie, and I thought, "you know, I feel so free! Not having to look like anything or be anything but what I want to be...wow! And that feeling can only come from feeling NOT free. Huh!" And it struck me deeply how true that is. I finally can semi-sort of understand how there can only be a good things because a bad thing is also true...because otherwise you wouldn't be able to feel it...and all that because I went through this whole time where I was trying to be a model and an actress because of how I thought it should look on the outside, and now I'm just letting whatever flow because I've experienced that and don't really like it! I don't like trying to shove myself into. I want to let myself climb out into the open air. :) Hooray!!!! Hahaha! Even if I don't fully appreciate it yet, I have taken a few steps in actually LEARNING that for myself, and I am so thankful to God for His grace in that time. Otherwise I would probably be dead, dead, dead. But I am more fully alive than EVER!!! I'm so happy. :) HA! We'll see how long that lasts. (snicker) I pray He continues to flow through me and help me accept EVERY SINGLE STEP AND LEVEL I come across in myself. EVERY SINGLE ONE. That is the challenge. To accept it, accept it into my awareness like a lioness caressing her cubs. Lick it and let it gnaw at me, as it grows into something bigger than me, above me, and I die. How strange. And how freeing! Praise Jesus.