Holds to a Hope: Unsure

I wasn't sure what this blog was going to be about until right now as I type. I'm free-wheeling it, a conglomeration of all the things I "took in" this morning. Food, images, videos, words. The morning intake session is like a messy cocktail, beautiful in its own right.

1) Nymphomaniac was the last thing I just viewed, the trailer. And I am appalled. I'm not sure why anyone would subject themselves to watching that in a theatre with other people...ew! It shows images of the act, it shows pain and terror and feral things...and I can't imagine enjoying watching that. It's like going to a horror film, that some people delight in the ferocious fear that comes up, it astounds me a bit.

2) That brings me to something I viewed yesterday, the pig video. A sad, horrifying video for people with delicate souls about the slaughtering and treating of pigs in confining, violent ways. Throwing piglets to shatter their brains to prepare them for picking. Kicking and torturing pregnant momma pigs because they can't move, their legs have atrophied from being in their pens for so long. It was so horrific, I don't know how I'll recover.

-how does a girl recover from being subjected to horrific things, especially in the act of sex, when she was once a pure little girl...what does it say about the people of today, who would make a movie about that...bewildering to me

3) I watched a video a man made about his premature little boy, growing up on tubes and wires...it made me wonder, is it all worth it? The hospitalization practices of today? It kept this little boy alive, and the love of his mother and father evidently carried him through...for a reason. The video was touching and can be found here.

4) Being on facebook brings me to so many things I would never have found on my own...is this a good thing? Is it healthy? I guess all in balance, as long as I ground myself in my own reality too...with my loving family as my ground, they are fertile in so many ways, just for me.

5) Last night's little shopping party was very good for me. I got a taste of "success" in yet a different way. The people of today don't know what's best for them. New coats? New earrings? New boots and aprons? What will be healthy and filling and grounding? Why do we all drink of the cocktails of life? Do we need them?

6) Discipline is my friend. I want to work with him on a daily basis. I can like working with him. Before, when I was sick, I could not differentiate discipline from debasement. They were one and the same. Self-flagellation came as a welcome second to despairing and wanting to end it all. Now this is farther from my core being than ever before. Thank God for the GAPS diet, love, and time--for its patience with me, and its forgiveness.

7) I almost forgot! I got some modeling photos back. I like them.