GuZheng NoSong

Sooooo GuZheng class never happened. I have no idea where they were holding the class but I definitely wasn't there. I walked around campus for an hour or so, and then finally left. I passed one man I was interested in. I almost bumped into him and he had longer brown hair and kind eyes. He sort of gasped as I came around the corner, or rather we met right 'au coin' and I'm sure my eyes registered my pleasant surprise at seeing him. I wanted to ask him if HE knew where the class was...maybe he was the teacher now that I think about it. Shucks.

Instead of doing the mature thing and just going home or finding somewhere else I could spend time around people, I went shopping. I went into Pitaya and found a shirt/coat that was $11 and some leggings for $3. A white cami with a built in bra finished me off for about $25 all together. Not bad, but for not wanting or needing anything, it's sad. That was my way of dealing with the disappointment. I swear the anxiety of something new is quite heightened, especially when you don't have meat in you. I do much better with meat I've finally realized. Pretty crazy, but true.

I met a French girl too yesterday. I got my hair cut, another expense that should not have been made, I went l'Alliance and met Claire, and spent another $140 on a French conversation course. I feel like a complete idiot all the time. I make barely any money and then spend it on frivolity.

Erin's bridal shower is in two days. That's exciting. I hope she is excited by that. I can't wait to see her face at all the presents she may be getting. I haven't gotten her anything, I'll probably just get her a card. She doesn't need much, and I don't want to buy her nail polish or anything like that. Something to commemorate her becoming a wife finally? Crazy. She is so ready, though. She was born ready. She's loved guys and climbing after them from the time she was in high school. She was in the drama program, she hung out with the wrong crowd, she's been through a lot of tough situations. She became addicted to negative attention at Rosie's and the gym, and look how far she's come! She has a man who loves her and will hopefully make her happy. That's important.

What would that look like for me? Oh my goodness. Like my mom said, "you're needy right now, you're seeing that." It's true. I feel like Makenna. Just completely about myself and evil. I wish I could just make it about myself with no consequences. I don't want to become that. I know I won't. God has bigger plans for me, but this phase is essential to go through. That is what is amazing. I want to be the shaman mama who leads people through their own insecurities and selfishness to get to a more pure, true selflessness because they are in the business of allowing.

I wish I could make my mind stop thinking about Josh. And when Brittney's mom is in grave state with her cancer...so sad.

Oh! I watched Blackfish last night and ... I might need another blog post for that (since I missed yesterday anyways). To be continued...