Looking and Searching

I can say that I'm much further than I was a few months ago. I've learned, I've experienced, I've been through some of my fears. It really means something to me for the first time. I can't judge anyone for anything they've done or do. I know how susceptible we all are as human beings to doing things we could never imagine doing. I understand a little bit more the depth of humanity, something I didn't have a Concept of when I was younger. I had heard, and believed, that we have depth, but to experience it is completely different.

I am being brought down to earth, finally, because of my own desires that have been growing, and fats are a big part of that in my development.

One of my desires is to make the stories of the needy larger. Not the stories of the accomplished. The needy are the first. That's the truth. So strange.

So tonight I'm at my apartment, and I was hoping to watch some of the Bachelor wedding, and I don't think it's going to work. I stayed home from watching the Grammy's with my family, for many reasons. And I believe it was the best for me, but it was hard, and I realize more and more how lonely I feel. Thinking about how Nick has texted me and how I would like for that to be a relationship, and how I don't want it to be that one, puts it into perspective. I see my desire much more clearly. I dislike seeing it. It's uncomfortable I guess. It's annoying more than anything. And sad.

I'm going to check to see, Lord, if I have a chance to work for Tucson Rental Homes. I would like to work right here if I could. That would be great. 5 days a week even.

Right now I'm listening to The Newsboys live on the radio. It's very comforting actually. I feel less alone because of it.