Yesterday and Today

Together!

I didn't realize I missed yesterday.

I hung out with Jill for the latter part of the day. We spent a long time at Whole Foods. We talked. We ate. We drove to University. We window-shopped. We left. We stopped in at Sparkroot and drank tea. We talked. We ran into Seanloui...he asked if she was also a model. We left. We drove back to her parent's home. We talked about modeling, movies, acting, nudity, sex, boys and relationships, food and digestions, age.

Sparkroot

I can't believe she's 31. I'm amazed. I am 24. That is also amazing.

It's hard to comprehend the cottage cheese on the back of my thighs. Let's come up with a different word for this. Sandy beaches on my thighs. Canyon rocks jutting out from my sides of my thighs. It gathers around the side, next to my hip bone, and hangs and chills all the way around to in between my legs in the middle. When I sit it all gathers in sandbags around my bones. No longer am I so boney I'm unaware. I'm now more aware than before of my own heat, my warmth and my eyes in the pores of my skin. Even the hairy, thicker skin of my legs.

Look! Other things that matter!

I like the change. I do. It is hard when there's no guy here to pat it and say he loves me. It is hard that there's nothing but my bad habits to keep me company. I'm trying to change, I am. And my mind fixates and struggles and I give in and pretend to hate myself and laugh and shake my head when my head says, "What an evil person you are." Before this would've sent me flying. Now it grounds me. Yeah, right. Evil like everyone else.

I expound in energy, jumping and pumping the air as I clean the bathroom, my face turning red and splotchy. I sweat tiny beads of sweat and move towards the sink as the song changes and my hips sway. I am beautiful.

Why are we tidal? Who am I to ask?

We've made it this far, people. We're here for some purpose. Let freedom ring in the new year, and let 2014 come with unbridled joy and compassion and passion. Let the waves come and go and let everyone feel them in perfect harmony with the earth and all it has to hold. Amen.