First Week

   Phew! It's been a week now that I've been working at Whole Foods, and it is a whirlwind. Wow. So much to talk about and describe, my mind doesn't know where to land. There's just so much in the air, so much change and movement, and I can't even remember the times where I was stuck, SO HARD, in the depths of mental ... unclarity, muddlement, my poor mind and body. I cherish these days where I can come home, eat, walk, talk with my family, read in French and listen to Comme Toi, watch Friends, watch the rest of Project Runway, and that's after having a 6 hour work day.

  My favorite guy is John. I enjoy his kind eyes and soft energy. It surprises me how much I enjoy his ... receiving. He's in receiving and he receives. How great is that. I want to keep myself open, but I also do honestly believe I was made for more, so it's more about riding these waves that rise and swell. Inside and out. I think the goal for me still can be to balance my body, whatever that looks like. Finding my own balance in all of the madness that arises.

I am afraid to say what I am excited before, because I know it is coming, I can feel some of these things, and other things feel really far away, and I just don't know what to expect really. I want to be able to be surprised by people and things, but also be in touch with my gut on things and not be afraid to be perceptive. I love Elizabeth's energy. Noel is a little hardened, but she's sweet underneath. I think she's just afraid. Christina can be a bitch a little bit underneath, but I think I can too if I'm not careful to talk about my dislikes to my family and not to my coworkers. Separate from work. That is VERY important. For me to remain balanced.

Another thing I've seen rise up again is the whole touch thing. I tend to overdo it, and I don't know how to pull back. I guess just do it. I've noticed my massage past come up with Adrian...I don't know how I feel about him. Ever since I met him I could feel a ... something. A screw not quite as tight as I'd like in him...and that is being used by my ability to just give and flow freely. Such as I could give my mom a massage, one of the girls, but even then, it's a little outside the boundaries.

That feels good to get out.

Brian, Devin, Quincy, so many guys now. Chase, John, I like seeing Scott, and such. I just have to be careful. Not to cross lines, to be respectful, and obedient, to look for things I can get done, to be efficient, and to be goal-oriented. I don't want to be uncomfortable where I am, but to be comfortable in my striving.

This Wednesday...I am going to the bread-breaking and then going out with Kat to get the necklace, I can't wait to be honest. I want to find some healthy clothing. Another shirt to wear and PANTS. Cargo and black like Christina's. I love her so much. She cracks me up. She gets my kind of crazy humor that doesn't always seem appropriate. It helps me feel at home even when I am "hanging all out there." She seems to believe in me.