My Heart Waits

“I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, so that you will know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, and what is the surpassing greatness of His power toward us who believe. These are in accordance with the working of the strength of His might” (Ephesians 1:18–19, NASB95)

I think today is an enriching opportunity to express my desire to wait upon the God of my fathers for all He has in store for me. I have a propensity for striving, seeking, acting, doing, reaching for my future, for the things that I need. I have a normal amount of fear that it won't come to fruition and I'll be left in the darkness of need and never be fulfilled. But I have a hope.

My mind is waking up to my body in a way it has not before, and I am becoming more and more in touch with the realities of my life here on earth, and what the grace of God has given me. My wanderings do produce something very clear and real. I am not alone in this journey.

I struggle with asking for help. I like to assume I can succeed all by myself. I like to be ahead of the pack, weary, heavy-laden, but proud of myself for overcoming the obstacle ahead of us first. In this way I've only really succeeded in being lonely, mal a l'aise, and a little bit lost. That is why I want to wait on God more frequently, more solidly from my room of all places. I want to explore this trove He has placed in my heart, because there is something very precious in just sitting at the bottom of the hill and letting what is, be. 

My heart waits.
It may beat too fast
and push too hard.
It may sift too finely
and leave things charred.
My heart glows deep 
and it floats too.
I have hope in the heart
that it will beat true.

Lord let your light in. Let your life in. Let your love in.

Praise be to Him
You give us all.