People Make Lies

They don't even mean to, but people make lies all on their own. I'm not sure what does it, it's an opposing force that doesn't work with the people, it works against them.

For instance: I go to LA and see Cman. Cman says hey, let's stay in touch. Let me know what's going on with you. And so I text him and ask what is going on and if he needs any prayers. Cman says basically nothing and doesn't allude to ... virtually anything. Ok. So this is staying in touch?

Backwards.

So now I sit watching Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit, with the preview of The Wolf of Wall Street and some Ray Donovan tv show. It makes me wonder what the point of it all is. And still I watch. :)

I would normally be asleep right now, but I just realized I've been drinking black tea, I thought it was herbal!! I'm a little disappointed, but it's good to get a different perspective, truly. I went to Bookman's to return dvd's from Brandon's 13th birthday and the same guy Paul was there. He has his ears pierced with tiny diamond studs, glasses that are thick rimmed in brown and his name tag with a whole bunch of buttons from tv shows and other such memorabilia. He has repeatedly been very nice to me, giving me slight discounts, giving me extra help when I ask, and talking with me. But for whatever reason he clammed up tonight. I asked him what he would be doing for the weekend, his weekend, and he said he usually worked on his brother's wife's dad's yard, and that this weekend he would say he needed a break.

I don't know if he wanted to ask about me, but he didn't. I understand. When I'm at work it's harder to get my mind in the right place to be unselfish etc.

I'm reading Almost French by Sarah Turnbull. It's pretty good. I really like the details she puts in about the intricacies she experiences, the cultural differences, the incredulity in her Frederic, but what I don't like is that it's never about God, there's never any mention of a higher power. Instead it's just about her and him and their love and oh, those worries, and this happens, and so on.

If I could take meds I would probably have become addicted. I'll be honest. I'm lazy like that. I'm needy like that. I'm empty like that. I latch on like that.

It rained earlier today. I was refreshed. I don't know what balance came over me, I think the meat-lessness really "helps" my mind, but otherwise I don't get enough protein. I don't know how to get my blood flowing, get my brain oxygenated, but all I know is I have a long way to go, and my bloated, farty intestines are annoyed with me a lot, I can't relax too easily, and I'm an addict in one way or another.

Pray for me. That the lies we tell ourselves are given to God and He FORGIVES us, which is to repair in the act of accepting and being better than. I pray He shows Himself. :)

Focusing on the positive, I am EXTREMELY grateful for this week. I've been able to watch all these movies, rest, walk, be with myself, fart, eat whatever I want, and just overall enjoy the nature of what is around me and in me so much more slowly, deeply, and joyfully, because I don't have anything too pressing to get to that is paying me.

Spock man is in Jack Ryan. :P