Goals in the coming Month

1) Be aware of the second push: Bean and I realized that we have the first push, the first awareness of who we are and what we want, but in the face of someone else's desires or responses, we back away to create space for them. I think it was a way to save ourselves from the overly harsh manner in which some people around us operated. Verbal tyranny of emotional living. And so I've decided it's time to take steps to be aware of and conquer that second push, that moment when someone answers your query, comment, or simply asserts themselves over your own idea, and you back up, or rather I back up. I want to take small steps to becoming firm in myself and my decisions, desires, needs, and move forward in them.

2) Become aware of what I can do BEST in the every day so that I can become independently alive, able to provide for myself what I need in the daily, and become separated from my parents.

3) Start a book club with Bean. Something that might happen every month, with at least 3 people, where we can discuss literature and life and all the questions that surround our daily living.

4) Continue to write. I have found that it is more helpful to journal on here than I could've imagined.

5) Bring clarity to my relationships by bringing clarity and purpose to my inner life.

6) Go. To. Church. Group. At least twice! Do It. Just do it. Talk to them, get to know them, build up a little rapport. Believe in it!!! Do it.

7) And finally, be open to God changing things. My goal is that by June I have my period. Weak as it may be, I would like for it to come monthly and for me to learn to deal with that. I will prepare for it, linger on it, and embrace it. I want to be able to go on short runs and not get overly tired, walk and eat and talk and drink out and about without having to run away from human connection for the sake of my intestines. That was a very, VERY important step in my development. I am VERY grateful to have had the time to do that. But now I desire the next step, and praise be to God it starts as DESIRE not force. PRAISE BE TO GOD.

Lord bless these desires and thoughts and here are a few more...

8) That I would start doing small theater with people I know. Dumb theater. Fun theater. And that I would enjoy the process of making ONE moment into life. It is a great gift!

9) That I would support but not try to carry my sisters as this changes. SUPPORT NOT CARRY. And that I would usher my brothers further into their relationship with Christ.

10) Get rid of as much clutter as I can. OVERsimplify if necessary, and be willing to let go and not amass more. It isn't about needing this world. It's about needing HIM.