100th post

Well, this is my 100th post. By 365 I will have a year-ish...duh. It's a big one. I'm about 1/4th through my year blogging everyday-ish. Sigh. I am grateful.

Today I read about the woman who was a great sinner who washed Jesus' feet with her tears and her hair. She washed and wiped them with oil. I can only imagine how dirty that was. He'd been walking for a long time, had a ton of dirt on his feet, and she was using her tears and hair to wipe them. I wonder if she was sobbing or crying quietly or what...I would've probably been one of those who was watching and judging from afar, with a tinge of loving the scene and thanking God for her pursuit of Jesus. But Simon watched and judged and Jesus called him out on it. I would've felt ashamed if He had talked to me about my doubt like that, how I had less sin and more judgment and I needed to leave my pride at the door and enter in desire to serve. Service is what it's all about.

How can God use my gifts for Him? What can I do to be at His service? These are the questions I can be asking. I still want to practice my second step out. Assertions of myself in the second round of an interaction with someone, especially with people who are extra assertive or aggressive.

Why does John want me wanting more. He loves the power. That makes sense. Laura Tanzer loves the power too. I love the victimization, or loved, and now I am coming to a new level of my life and desire to not be a victim anymore. It is time to be real and adult and alive. I don't want to leave these strings attached. I want more.

Alors, aujourd'hui j'ai mon monologue. Je prie que ca passera tres bien. J'espere que je puisse faire ca avec fierte de mon performance et fait fier mon Dieu. Dans le nom Jesus Christ, Amen.