Moving On

So I have to clean the bathroom, or rather I'm GOING to clean the bathroom gladly. It is dirty. But first I wanted to document a little of the last few days.

My mind has been flowing and pulling and shoving as it processes everything and all the changes that are occurring. I am trying to let the move to Whole Foods be a good one. It isn't easy, that's for sure. I constantly wonder whether or not it will tire me out, or if it might be more of the same and that's not what I want. I don't think, if it is more of the same, that it would be a bad thing. I would be making more and be getting a discount where I need it most. Or at least my dad definitely does.

I went to the market this morning trying to focus on the book on CD I am listening to. It worked alright. I was able to squeeze out some information about the beginning of the first World War through the happenings of the pages. Obviously my attention was split, holding onto all the the future means and trying to grasp the past. I have been much more emotional lately, which I am truly glad for.

I hope that my mom's blog post ends up helping someone. I know that putting it up there scares me to death, and it feels like a death, but I do believe there's a reason it's so hard. And I pray it truly pays off for God. No matter what happens to me.

I was putting the coffees out and Denise said, "Oh no honey, the tablecloths not on right." I sort of paused, trying to process what she was saying. "It is Almost, but if it's not on the white it's not equal with the other one." I nodded slightly, not that this is an insane requirement for the tablecloth, not at all. I understand that having them even with one another is much more aesthetically pleasing and efficient...I think it was just the way she says things. It bugs me lately more than it did before. I tried viewing it as something she was trying to teach me, but more and more it feels like degradation. I opened up the back of the suburban, and out fell the cooler. She comes around and says, "Yeah, you can't just open up the back like that." "Oh, I didn't know. Dangit." "Yeah, we need to pick that up quick, some of the cream could be spilling." I tried to put my things down quickly and pick it up. "It's gonna fall all out if you pick it up like that. Yeah." I just kind of blanked out.

My reaction reminded me of the little girl, Poppy, I babysat last night. She has hearing aids and uses signs to help her communicate. When she banged her head hard on the ground in her room she just stood up, stared at me, then ran into the living room and put her head in the folds of the couch. I followed her, expecting her to be crying, worried that she had really hurt herself. She looked over at me as I approached and giggled. I didn't really know what to make of it.

She is a MASTER at copying. Everything that I did, she copied. Right down to when I itched my nose, she brought her hand up and made the same motion, circularly rubbing the tip.

to be continued...I just got a huge wave of fatigue. I am ready for a nap.